Tally Chart Bribes

Last summer things were getting testy in our household. My divorce was still winding its way through what was its never-ending legal process and I was going to be working through the summer for the first time in forever. Stress levels were high, and I felt I was losing a little of the ‘completely on top of it’ stance I normally like to maintain, and that we all feel comfortable with. For one daughter this was OK, she is older and far more able to manage herself and all that she had to do; for the other, youth meant she needed more direction, and as I was running pretty much on empty... I needed a plan and I needed a good one!

I talked it through with both girls, I knew ‘financial bribes’ were going to end up being involved, so it was going to be important not to create a plan that allowed one child a pay out and the other, who was already getting it right, no financial reward, without getting her on board. Luckily, she saw the big picture benefit to her too and the grain of an idea was formed. We then sat together and wrote a list of the 10 biggest stressors that I was nagging about the most. They were the usual culprits of keeping her bedroom tidy, making her bed every day, and so on... all the things I am sure you all struggle finding a way to get done without having to nag. I agreed that every week she would get pocket money; it was summer, who wouldn’t want a few dollars in their pocket to meet friends downtown and buy ice cream? But also, that non-completion of these tasks would impact the size of her financial reward. If all was well and good each Friday I would pay up, but for every time I had to nag to get a task done during the week, I would just calmly mention it and put a tally mark on the chart. Each tally mark was minus 50c. If all the money was lost in a week (and we never even got close!) then there was no negative roll over into the following week. I had to make sure that I had cash each week because the reward had to be immediate, and pay out was every Friday afternoon, with a new week starting on Saturday morning. For her it gave ownership of all that needed to be done on a weekly basis, she could see her progress and she liked the financial reward for sure. Between us it changed our dynamic at what was a really stressful time for me; it meant I no longer had to nag, I could vent all my frustration out on grabbing a pen, slamming its lid off and making those angry marks, but between us cross words were less frequent and were not over the silly things like whether or not she had put her school bag away in the closet! 

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I would love some new ideas... no idea works for months at a time, everyone gets bored and methods lose effectiveness; so please share with us what methods you have used to help deal with avoiding having to nag and if you are really brave tell us what didn’t work...

Be kind, be gentle,

Denise xoxo

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