When NY Pause was called he’d already been gone 10 weeks, who could have possibly envisaged over 38 weeks later I still wouldn’t be able to get at him?! In a normal year his suitcase would have been down out of the loft for several weeks by now and he would have packed and repacked his clothes and all the goodies he would be bringing for Christmas multiple times, he would have crammed as much from home as he possibly could in that case… and I tell you this year has made me realize that I would rather have him than any number of Freddos! Instead he has sent parcels and we FaceTime everyday. I have had 2 amazing bottles of gin arrive and an equally amazing and very welcome stash of chocolate from home!!! But nothing will make up for the fact that my Dad won’t be with us for Christmas.

It is no exaggeration when I say that he is my rock. He is my confident and my biggest supporter; even when he qualifies his support with “well I guess you know best”! He does just what a Dad is supposed to do, although I’m not sure a daughter is still supposed to be such a drain on her Dad at 50! He tells me it is his job; he believes firmly in family and loyalty and he absolutely sees it as his job to continue to support and nurture me even after all these decades! He is there for me at every turn I make. And I can’t quite verbalize how much that has carried me on my darkest days; during the divorce and now more recently through covid, the house move and the ever present court case.

When I first told him that I thought my marriage was falling apart he was as gobsmacked as me. He thought, we both thought, I must have it wrong; The Former Mr Right would not run off and have an affair, he surely wouldn’t be thinking of leaving… but as the days wore on and my worst nightmare was confirmed he was one of the very few I let into the secret. I remember how he lived every moment of those months with me; he never once judged me, even when I begged The Former Mr Right to stay. And that summer he came to visit and I could breathe again, that’s how he makes me feel; even at my age I know that if he is in on it then we can fix it together. And that is what I guess I have missed the most in these last 4 months, he should be here working his way through my ‘honey do’ list; telling me those mouse dropping aren’t an issue, laughing as we hear the rodents in the attic, helping me find the elusive water meter, changing sockets and switches and lights and smoke alarms with me and helping me make this new house a home for his girls.That’s what he calls us, his girls…

Now don’t get me wrong, it’s not all peaches and cream. Being so similar has its drawbacks, both of us absolutely know that we are always right and this causes clashes from time to time, but they are short lived, albeit fiery and always fixed with a hug. What I wouldn’t give for one of those hugs just about now!

I am eternally grateful that my girls have him as a role model, to them he is Grandad; but I see so much more than that. To them he models how a father should behave. How a father should support. How a father should put his family at the center of everything he does and be there for them. And we know he is there for us, just not in person because of the bloody pandemic!

Be kind, be gentle,

Denise xoxox