Last week my 5 year old ran away from home… only she’s not 5 anymore and she didn’t run; she carefully packed and rearranged and loaded, then reloaded the car and I drove her. And it was probably the hardest week I have had to go through ever, although ironically now I feel calm and haven’t cried since Friday; but boy did I cry on Friday!

Ellie was accepted to George Washington University last year. It was in the days before Covid, remember them? When we knew what going to college looked like. When we knew how accepted student days worked, how parent weekends worked and how parents moving their offspring on to the next stage of their lives looked. Then boom, covid happened and all that changed. As a High School Senior every Right of Passage we expected was taken from us; there was no Senior Skip Day, no Senior Prom, no proper Graduation, no final Hypnotist Show, no college visits and most painfully for Ellie no in person anything for Semester 1. But we didn’t know that until about 2 weeks before she was due to leave, we were in our hotel room between houses and suddenly an email landed to change all of our well thought out plans. For me it was a bonus, more time at home with my girls, Covid had already given me intense quality time with them and now it was gifting me more… but for her covid was stealing yet another Right of Passage.

So, Semester 1 was completed online from her new bedroom. It was tough; but by now I realize pretty much everything in covid is tough! There was no making friends, no partying, no going out; in fact no real social interaction at all. US college courses seem so different to mine from a lifetime ago, then we moved as a cohort from lecture to seminar and back again. But for her, the selection from her menu of courses meant she took Econ with Philosophy students and met most students just once in her scheduled week. There was no making friends, and as a person who craves social interactions this was hard for her. But she survived it. And then she survived the email saying Semester 2 would be online too, she survived and I did little tiny internal fist pumps; Covid had given me yet more time with her home and safe.

And then within days it all changed… there would be a lottery, 10% of dorm spaces were to be opened up to ‘live and in person’ studying from your dorm room in DC and suddenly she was going and I had 6 weeks to change my thinking from having another 8 months to feeling I barely had any time left at all.

Those six weeks were spent making lists and amazon shopping, more lists, more shopping, multiple last minute trips to Target and just spending time enjoying being together. Oh and shouting at each other, proper stress bursting over and screaming at each other moments… but I’ve learnt that’s what love really looks like, it’s the meh indifference that should worry you. Then we were practice loading the car and it was time to go. I am hugely grateful to have a second cousin in DC and that is where we stayed for the most gentle, kind and wonderful week. Having that support last week and knowing that as Ellie settles that support is literally minutes away gives me a sense of reassurance that I think helped keep the tears a little at bay, not on Friday admittedly, but for the rest of the week at least.

We spent the week in DC, doing all the things we should have been doing through the summer, exploring and acclimatizing and soaking up the atmosphere. What a wonderful week to be in DC and soak up the atmosphere it was! Although we got nowhere near the inauguration we went into the city and felt the atmosphere, there was change in the air and it felt good! It felt safe too… there were armored vehicles, national guard, police and 9 ft fences a plenty. And as the week wore on and the inauguration was behind us the city still felt safe. It reminded me of how very much I had loved moving to a city when I started college all those moons ago. And I suspect that tinge of jealousy helped hold back the tears just a little too.

Friday was a tough day, every single thing we did made me think I was losing her. Every single thing both girls did was to remind me I wasn’t, but my tears flowed freely… and then all too soon it was Saturday and we had no time to waste. We had to grocery shop, for a kitchen we didn’t fully understand, load the car and get her moved in… so we did! We had a very prescriptive time slot; 5pm-8pm, as a rule follower and person who thrives on structure this worked for me! We unloaded the car with 3 trips and these amazing blue carts, helped her fix the things in her room she couldn’t mange alone, marveled at how fabulous her dorm room is and how darn lucky she is to a) have a view of the Washington Monument out of her bedroom window and b) is in a double room all to herself, with 2 closets, 2 sets of drawers and an en suite bathroom just for her, and 2 beds… 2 beds that would be ideal for a visiting friend or visiting little sister… but yet again covid put pay to that!

And now we are home, and she is too… but her home is 401 miles away from mine. But she knows how much she is loved and that more than anything is getting me through 💜