As Christmas fast approaches the stress on all parents intensifies; especially this year. Did I do enough? Have I even begun to make up for some of the loses they’ve experienced this year? Will it be OK? For me that last question is central to pretty much all I am doing right now and every thought process I have; without another adult, who I trust, sharing the parenting journey with me it’s a tough one to move past. I know this year many families will not be spending time with their loved ones; whether that is due to traveling restrictions, imposed quarantines or shared parenting time; heck maybe even a positive reason, you may have become better at boundary setting this year. Whatever your circumstances and whatever your reality I hope that you all find a little something of the special that Christmas is all about over the coming days.

As a single parent I think it’s fair and realistic to say I am bitter about some things… it’s not a huge long list, there are some standards and some that ebb and flow on and off the list, like the dog! But at this time of year, the biggest is that I feel the acute weight of making Christmas magical for our daughters, by myself. And this year it really is by myself… no parties to go to, no friends to pop by, no Grandad arriving with a host of goodies and gifts that he has wrapped in different paper to mine. Every single gift, bar one (thank you Aunty Teresa!) has been purchased and wrapped by me, family members may have funded them and sent me the money, but when you live in a different country during a pandemic money is the one gift easily sent.

For all my angst and uncertainty, that I am sure I share with so many and not just the single amongst you contemplating how to share your precious children this holiday season, I have a degree of peace this year that I haven’t felt in the years since the Former Mr Right left. Whether I am just better healed this year, or whether being in our new home making new memories is the cause or maybe it’s the lessons I learnt last Christmas about love being all that matters…

It’s finally peaceful. If it’s not done now it isn’t going to get done and that is strangely reassuring. The presents are laid out where they normally lay, the piles are smaller than they used to be, and cost a fraction of what they used to cost, but they are filled with love, loyalty and integrity and they never were when we were a family of 4. But like every year before I have absolute knowledge of what each contains and there’s no guilt or continual ‘what’s this?’ nonsense to deal with from someone else. This year I have agonized over gifts; is it enough, did I do enough, will they be happy? And my girls have reassured and comforted me every step of the way. Even when I have lost my way they remind me that my word, truth and honesty mean more than extravagant gestures ever could. In stark contrast his Christmas shopping took approximately no time and no effort. He sent a sweater each and a pair of socks each; in grey, all in grey. They laughed that maybe he just hadn’t changed the setting from the default of grey. He also sent me money to write them checks. That gift from him took me more effort than it took him, there’s an irony not wasted on me there. But for all my stressing and agonizing to make the day perfect, it will be because we are all showered in love and have each other!

And it was a perfect day, or as perfect as a family day can be and it was undoubtedly filled with love and laughter. So if you are feeling the strain of this being your first Christmas dealing with the magic solo handed take comfort in the fact that so long as you have each other that is all the magic you will need.

Be kind, be gentle,

Denise xoxo